summer?
I don’t why but I just think I should write something.
I’m bored.
So I didn’t go to the best summer camp ever this year which breaks my 3-year streak and all that jazz. Bummer. I didn’t even bother putting up a fight with the ‘rents. I don’t know why but maybe I just…well nevermind.
Anyway that’s that. Prior to that I was also not able to go to the LifeBox Convergence in Dagupan. Sad but that’s okay cause I didn’t really plan it out well…so yeah.
The supposedly EPBYF Camp this week was also postponed to who knows when and who knows where. Sigh. Not gonna comment any further on that.
Aand I haven’t been doing anything significant except drinking tea as if I’m British. LOL.
On the bright side, there’s this EPBYF Fellowship at First Baptist Church on Thursday. I kinda hoping new youth will show up and come with us. And I’m hoping it would be worthwhile. I should add this my prayer list.
There’s also this us-siblings-go-out thingy on Saturday(?). We’ll be bowling, watching Dark Shadows and eat at McDo. McDo btw is the twins newest discovery on fast food. Good for them. I was already in High School when I started actually eating there.
Onse - Pangasinan is kinda planning to have date too but I just don’t know how that’s gonna happen.
…..
So I guess summer isn’t really over. I still got time to squeeze out some sense in it. :))
Hey, I’m going to Pisay. Hopefully.
It’s “just music”? I don’t think so.
Dear kid,
Someone once told me Music is not simply “just music”.
I don’t know if you noticed but I hope you do because it’s really very obvious. Every singer/artist has his/her/their own philosophy.
And you know why you like their kind of music. Deep inside, you do. Somehow there’s this part of you that connects to it, connects to what their saying.
How do I know? I’ve been through it.
Even if it’s K-pop, even when I don’t really understand it, even if I haven’t really experience those kind of things in those kind of love songs, even if I haven’t really been that down and out like all those angsty/rock songs.
Somehow it made me feel as if I did, as if I’ve really hurt that much as if I’ve really been through all of those (thank God I really haven’t) But it’s just really very easy to be convinced and deceived to what’s real and what’s not, hmm?
So please, let’s all just be careful. “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” - Philippians 4:8
Please read the verse thoroughly because it does not say you can only listen to worship/religious praise music. There are a lot of pure/lovely/admirable love songs that aren’t from Christian artists.
What I’m really trying to say is… This is NOT an ISSUE of PREFRENCE, NOT an ISSUE of STYLE/MUSICALITY nor an ISSUE of STYLE/INDIVIDUALITY/UNIQUENESS. I personally think this is a HEART ISSUE, what do our hearts crave for? what kind of messages do we WANT to feed ourselves?
Do I want to feed my heart with this kind of style, this kind of musicality or this kind of unique stuff? Is this really my motive/intention/reason why I’m listening to this? Does this kind of music leave me feeling loved or hurt? Does this kind of music leave me wanting to love or hurt others?
And please let’s just stop with the “because It’s just fun to listen to” excuse. I’ve used that one to many times. And we both know it’s not really just about the fun. Well, I’m hoping I’m not the only one.
So you decide. In the end, it’s your call. It’s your heart. “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. ” Proverbs 4:23
As tech geeks say, “Garbage in, Garbage out”.
1:10 am poem
stay hidden. stay where you are.
don’t speak. don’t talk. just don’t.
i’ve decided. i’ve resolved.
i can’t. i’m not. i won’t.
i’ve come this far now. i’m here.
maybe not where I want to be
but here where I should be
so don’t ask me. don’t make me.
I won’t play victim anymore
everybody just seems to do that
as if everyone’s against them
you’re against yourself. always have.
i was warned then, yet i turned a deaf ear
not anymore. by no means, not anymore.
i will not settle with this. i will not settle with less.
you’ve told me, you’ve told me what I deserve
i won’t lie, i still think about things
i remember a lot, a lot that don’t matter
sad? maybe. happy? i guess.
there’s a choice, there’s always a choice
i was told, i was valuable
i was told, i was more than this
i was told, to live and thrive
i was called, for something greater
i will not back down.
i will not give up.
i will not go back.
i will press on. i will run.
i am set free.
i am secure and loved.
my brother, my sister,
i’m the King’s daughter.
Intrusion
The darkness closes in around me
I have nowhere to run and nowhere to hide
I find myself restless…anxious
Solely the beat of my pacing heart surrounds
My nightmare, my past overcasts me, suffocating
Do you not know I once fell hard years ago?
I was trying, trying hard, trying to be
But you, you came along so suddenly
With all that I am against with all that you are
I was poised to kill, sword at hand, ready.
“Are you for me or against me”, I spat
Could I have been anymore proud and self-righteous?
Yet I was nothing…I’m a mere mortal
And so foolishly, without knowing, I betrayed myself
Holding my stare, you spoke so piercingly
“Neither,” you say, “but now I have come.”
knees trembling, without a fight, facedown I fell
You don’t tell me to rise, yet I was in awe
Worthy you are, oh how my soul says,
“What does my lord say to his servant?” Amazed.
—————————-
An entry to the UP Waywaya 2012 as inspired by Ptr. Nixon Ng’s preaching entitled “At The Battle”, second installment of Intrusion Series, Victory Malate
can I sing again?
I dunno why I’m writing tonight
I have been posting random stuff for quite some time. You may have seen them in twitter, facebook, here on tumblr or even thru text and one of the things I randomly think about is my former ministry - music.
For those of you who are not aware, I have not been involved in the music ministry since I got out of Pisay and I have never sang in front of the congregation since then nor have I given a special number or anything that requires me to sing P&W (Praise and Worship).
You might ask, why?
You should know that I was never trained to lead P&W even in my home Church. I never intended to be a worship leader, I did like the idea but it did not occur to me growing up that I could ever have the chance to be one. And so, coming to Pisay, I met such wonderful pastors who encouraged me and some of my friends to take part in the music ministry. Back then, I was like, who are we to lead a Church into P&W when we barely knew its members? (Remember that we are not from Ilocos) and most especially, who was I to lead and minister to them?
But God had put it in my heart that it was His prompting and so I obeyed and it was the most wonderful experience. I just can not exaggerate enough how amazing it is to do praise and worship with a wonderful Church and with such a humbled music team for such an awesome God. (Shouts by the way to them, you guys know who you are. I miss you lots!)
All was well then but then again I am only human and I am still in this world and so the battle in my heart started.
Remember that I was not that equipped. Well maybe I was musically okay but the ministry and music are still two separate things.
We all know that anything in this world can be constructive or destructive even music, even in the ministry. Most people would think that being in the music ministry is the easiest especially when it is innate that you love music. We think that it’s almost inevitable to fall into sin when you get to do the thing you love while honoring God. But that’s when people are mistaken because not many people know and not many Christians admit that it’s really hard, tempting and dangerous.
Because I do not want to offend anyone, I will only speak for my own.
For there is but a thin line between worship music and secular music. And so is there a thin line between a worship leader and a performer.
What’s worse? It’s “thin-ness” is so barely there, nobody can tell if one crosses the line. Only if the worship leader and the members of the worship team admit so.
Please do remember that I am speaking as a youth in this modern era where Christian rock, rap and hip-hop is now accepted by some institutions.
And so maybe you are curious if I have crossed that line? I would be lying if I tell you I have not.
Don’t get me wrong, God’s grace still got me through all of P&W sessions.
I am thankful that I have finished almost two years leading praise and worship once a month and at youth services twice a month.
But I knew in my heart that there is so much to learn and so much to know first before seriously entering such ministry.
Even before I entered College and my new Church, I have asked the Lord to tell me His will for me. I have prayed so much for His leading and as I told Him, whatever it is He wants me to do, I will do but other than that, whatever it is that He needs me to give up or set aside at the moment, I will.
And so, maybe it’s simply because I have not found any specific calling from God for the music ministry since I got in College. My current Church is blessed with worship leaders who sing with so much grace, compassion and conviction. I am so humbled by them. Many times have I been awe of how great God is in their lives. I would always remember how wonderful it felt to sing in front of such a crowd with so much love in their hearts. Sometimes, I feel as if I have been missing out but really I do know that I am not called to be in the ministry at this moment.
This does not mean that I am giving up on the ministry. Yes, I still want to do worship. How can I not want that? But I have this conviction that I will not do anything that I am not called to do. I have learned not to force blessings upon myself. Because if I force a blessing and get it, I will not fully enjoy it.
Besides, I am not inactive. And trust me, I will never be inactive in Church. HAHA.
So I resolved to focus more in equipping myself in the Word, building my integrity, strengthening my faith and improving my character. I believe that it is crucial to the ministry I am part of now. They’re actually two, volunteering @ Youth Life Student Center and discipleship @ Lifebox UPM. The same great feeling is there and again so many humbling people surrounding me :>
And so I am at peace that even do I miss P&W, I am secured that God has everything planned out.
And if or if not I come back to the music ministry, I will still bring praise :)
Being in church is different than being in Christ. Being in Christ changes you. 1Cor 5:17
..
(Source: his-mercy-found-me)
a letter to my oppressor
Since there is no other way else I know that can convert my irrational and heightened destructive emotions, I have resolved to come up with this whatever-you-call-it post.
Do excuse the unusual kind of exaggeration right now, I assure you it’s for the best.
I’m not sure if whoever is reading this (hoping atleast one person in this whole wide cyberspace finds his/her way to this post), expects to understand or care about whatever what I’m going to say. Still, it doesn’t matter, as I’ve said this is the only thing I know that can calm me down at this very moment.
So let’s just get this straight.
I am deeply troubled by you. Yes, you.
I just don’t understand why. Why do you keep finding my weakness? Why do you keep trying to find your way into my life, creeping into my happiness, strangling me with hate, anger and regrets? How is it possible for you to have such a cruel heart? Why are you doing this? and why me? Why, of all people, me?
Why do you always need to ruin my mood? Why do you always have to make me have a reason to fear every decision I do and make? Why do you find pleasure in my loneliness? Why do you find joy in my flaws?
You love seeing my die.
You’re a cheater.
You’re a liar.
And I hate you.
I hate you with all that I am.
I hate you. You make me sick.
I despise you. You’re a monster.
I want you out of my life.
I won’t beg you to go away, I will simply force you out my life.
You have no place in me.
You have no hold of me.
I am not yours.
I am against you.
So, get away from me.
Beware of who you are fighting with.
I am not just someone you can pick on.
You don’t know me.
You don’t define me.
Burn to the ground!
I may have fallen short with my battles against you,
but you and I both know that in the end,
you are the one who needs to be afraid.
I may lose to you, I might grow weary, tired, and dying~
But a Light will save me,
A Hope will rescue me,
and after every battle, win or lose,
My Defender, Refuge and Reward will be with me.
Victory is ours.
For He is Christ. Lord of Lords. King of Kings. All Powerful and Everlasting.
sudden i miss post…
I miss camp.
I miss PGYC. (Philippine Grace Youth Camp)
Why?
All I know is the moment I stepped inside Grace Bible Institute, I don’t ever want to leave.
You know home?
You know acceptance?
You know love?
You know happiness?
You know grace?
It’s just there.
“The sinners are loved, the sin is hated.”
Loved.
